Next in Line

I wrote this article during my last few days in college.. genuine thoughts of a graduating student.. :)

I have been waiting for this time of my life to come. I have been picturing out scenes in my head, sketching myself as a smart, confident, profound college student next in line to explore and conquer the world. During the early years of my adolescence, when I was still very nasty and obnoxious, both breezy and nonchalant, I had a very clear picture of who and where I’d be by now.

But years of stumbling and juggling around the wilderness of college education, I have been taught that nothing in this journey called life can come to reality the way we have dreamed about it. It took all these years for me to see how hard I have been slapped right in the face with the reality of failing grades, changing dreams and discouragements. With these, I started to doubt everything; every tunnel seemed too dark to pass, every adventure too risky and every opportunity a baloney. Nothing seemed to be perfectly right. Everything seemed questionable during our college years. All the childhood dreams are put to test and some truly die in hopelessness while some find courage in their disappointments and pursue their young dreams. But as for me, I am one who went through all those assignments and quizzes and 7am classes without a single idea of what my future would be. My childhood dreams were long gone and I was too scared, too coward and too boastful to dream once more. But relentlessly I kept moving forward until I found that burning passion within my soul.

Now here I finally am. It feels weird to be wearing this toga and this too big graduation cap. College is over and I am next in line, set to… conquer the day to day adventures outside the university gates. Life shouldnt be taken like a fairytale or a movie. Let’s be real. We had young dreams. They died. We move on. We dream once more. We work hard for it. Now this is enough. We’ll all figure out whats next tomorrow, or next day or next year. The journey wont be easy, I have been told. But it all starts when I go out and explore. It’ll be okay. I may have plans but what’s best for me will come along. I patiently wait for His plans.

"The only way you will ever awaken is through silence, not through analyzation of facts. Not by sorting out good and bad, but through simple silence, letting go. Letting go of all thoughts, all the hurts, all the dogmas and concepts. Letting go of these things daily."

—	Robert Adams

Not your ordinary Therapy Session

It may sound weird but doing the dishes is one of my greatest therapy.

It’s very relaxing..like yoga to some people. It’s a totally different way of practicing mindfulness, yes I am aware of that. But it spares you a moment of mental solitary even though you are with a crowd. It gives you ample time to think, to pause for a moment and reconsider things.

During my high school years, when I do the dishes, my thoughts always wander on my friends, on my crushes, and on my backup plans in-case I fail my algebra and physics class.

When I was in college, my thoughts grew into what films to make, movies to watch, places to hang out to. I started being concerned with matters which are so much more meaningful than crushes but sometimes, just sometimes.. they become too deep I can hardly recognize they’re my thoughts.

After leaving college and getting my first real job, my dishes-thoughts did not just grow, they evolved into something bigger. Today, I started thinking about the world and how I can make it better. I started thinking about everyone and yesterday and food and hunger and strife and happiness and united nations and movies and coffee and good friends. Totally random..but they matter to me..to everyone. I don’t know what happened, I just started thinking all these. All of a sudden I wanna be a part of the world, probably like a lighthouse. I wanna share some light even though I’m just as good as a firefly.

These thoughts consume me while I wash the plates. On some other time of the day they stay at the backseat of my head but at night just before I close my eyes to rest, they awaken me once more. They remind me they’re real, and that I’ll be making the world brighter one day at a time.

It's not about the Speed

Take time to work for what is worth it.

Take time to add more value to what you have always wanted.

Dont choose the shortcut because it leads to nowhere.

May it be on your life-long dreams or to your school projects, always remember that good things take a lot of time and a bucket overflowing with patience. Mediocrity may knock on your door with face masked with “total surrender” or “maybe this is what I deserve” but trust God, He has planned you beautiful things. Only if you persevere can you see your full potential, talents and God’s plans for you.

Thoughts on Negative Thoughts

I have had lots of negative thoughts for the past few days. There was even a time that I had to go home earlier from work just to isolate myself from people and to freely cry myself out of depression. It was a time when everything seemed to be a mess and I was left all alone, so clueless. My relationship with my family, friends, workmates and boyfriend was already getting a little too affected with it. My depression took over of my thoughts and actions for a while until I was reminded by some force in the universe that nothing else means more than my relationships with everyone who matters to me. Until then, I started healing myself despite of all the negative feelings Ive had. I decided not to let emotions and anxiety get ahead of me. I reminded myself to guard my thoughts, heal the wounds and most importantly, let love lead the way. Love heals, love forgives and love makes us grow. I dont want to stay on my self-inflicting painful thoughts and unintentional setbacks of others. Lets not stay there.